The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

1) Once you have their money, never give it back.
2) You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try.
3) Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
4) Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough.
5) If you can't break a contract, bend it.
6) Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
7) Always keep your ears open.
8) Small print leads to large risk.
8) Keep count of your change.
9) Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10) A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one.
10) Greed is eternal.
11) Latinum isn't the only thing that shines.
12) Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
13) Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
14) Anything stolen is pure profit.
15) Acting stupid is often smart.
16) A deal is a deal ...until a better one comes along.
17) A bargain usually isn't.
18) A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19) Don't lie too soon after a promotion.
19) Satisfaction is not quaranteed.
20) When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat.
21) Never place friendship above profit.
22) A wise men can hear profit in the wind.
23) Never take the last coin, but be sure to get all the rest.
24) Never ask when you can take.
25) Fear makes a good business partner.
26) The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it.
27) There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
28) Morality is always defined by those in power.
29) When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying.
30) Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money.
31) Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother...insult something he cares about instead.
32) Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects.
33) It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34) Compassion is no substitute for profit.
34) Peace is good for business.
35) War is good for business.
36) Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore.
37) You can always buy back a lost reputation.
38) Free advertising is cheap.
39) Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers.
40) She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
41) Profit is its own reward.
42) Only negotiate when you are certain to profit.
43) Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon.
44) Never confuse wisdom with luck.
45) Profit has limits. Loss has none.
46) Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person.
47) Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
48) The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
49) Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent.
50) Never bluff a Klingon.
51) Never admit a mistake if there is someone else to blame.
52) Never ask when you can take.
53) Sell first; ask questions later.
54) Never buy anything you can't sell.
55) Always sell at the highest possible profit.
56) Pursue profit; women come later.
57) Good customers are as rare as latinum - treasure them.
58) There is no substitute for success.
59) Free advice is seldom cheap.
60) Keep your lies consistent.
61) Never buy what can be stolen.
62) The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
63) Power without profit is like a ship without an engine.
64) Don't talk shop; talk shopping.
65) Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
66) Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it.
67) Anyone asking to be relieved is not crazy and must be forced to serve.
68) A piece of latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer's pocket.
69) Profit is the better part of valor.
70) Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise.
71) Go where no Ferengi has gone before; where there is no reputation there is profit.
72) Revenge is profitless.
73) A contract without fine print is a fool's document.
74) A warranty without loop-holes is a liability.
75) Home is where the heart is...but the stars are made of latinum.
76) Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
77) There is a customer born every minute.
78) Cheat long and prosper.
79) Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
80) Genius without opportunity is like latinum in the mine.
81) A pair of good ears will wring dry a hundred tongues.
82) The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
83) There's many witty men whose brains can't line their pockets.
84) An empty bag cannot stand upright.
85) Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
86) Drive your business or it will drive you.
87) Death takes no bribes.
88) If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don't tell it to a friend.
89) Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
90) He's a fool who makes his doctor his heir.
91) He who drinks fast pays slow.
92) Mine is better than ours.
93) When the boss comes to dinner, it never hurts to have the wife wear something.
94) Females and finances don't mix.
97) Enough...is never enough.
99) Trust is the biggest liability of all.
101) Never do something you can make someone do for you.
102) Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
103) Sleep can interfere with opportunity.
104) Faith moves mountains...of inventory.
106) There is no honor in poverty.
109) Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111) Treat people in your debt like family... exploit them.
112) Never have sex with the boss's sister.
113) Always have sex with the boss.
116) Never sleep with the boss' wife, unless you pay him first.
117) You can't free a fish from water.
119) Buy, sell, or get out of the way.
121) Everything is for sale, even friendship.
123) Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
138) Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder.
139) Wives serve, brothers inherit.
141) Only fools pay retail.
144) There's nothing wrong with charity...as long as it winds up in your pocket.
148) Opportunity waits for no one.
162) Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
164) Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else's.
172) If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it.
177) Know your enemies...but do business with them always.
180) Never offer a confession when a bribe will do.
181) Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
188) Never bet on a race you haven't fixed.
189) Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing.
189) Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
192) Never cheat a Klingon...unless you're sure you can get away with it.
194) It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
202) The justification for profit is profit.
208) Sell someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him to fish, and you lose a steady customer.
211) Employees are like the rungs on the ladder. They are there to step on as you make your way to the top.
214) Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
215) Instinct without opportunity is useless.
218) Always know what you're buying.
221) Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes.
222) Knowledge is latinum.
223) Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
229) Latinum lasts longer than lust.
236) You can't buy fate.
242) More is good...all is better.
250) Never let a female in clothes cloud your sense of profit.
251) A smart customer is not a good customer.
252) Let the buyer beware.
253) Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse.
255) A wife is a luxury...a smart accountant a necessity.
261) A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
266) When in doubt, lie.
281) Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell.
282) Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner.
283) Rules are always subject to change(/interpretation).
284) Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.
285) No good deed ever goes unpunished.

Those were the Ferengi rules of aquisition I could get my hands on. The knowledge has been gathered around the universe where ever found. There might be mistakes on the way, corrections are welcome. Material is copyrighted to the original authors.

Below you find some rules 'claimed' to be from the rules of acquisition. I couldn't determine their origin and therefore didn't include them on the list. However, they sound good enough for beeing real so I didn't want to get rid of them. If you happen to know the real deal with these, please let me know also, OK?

-Beware of relatives bearing gifts.
-If you see profit on a journey, take it.
-Money talks, but having lots of it gets more attention.
-Never argue with a loaded phaser.
-Never use credit where your words will do.
-Aliens have no sense of profit.
-He that speaks ill of the wares will buy them.
-The family of Fools is ancient.
-Wish not so much to live long, as to live well.
-Money is never made. It is merely won or lost.
-A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer.

Last Modified 20.03.2001, Authored by Aki Seuranen

Back to my hobby section
Back to the front page