"Thinking I could save time, I rigged a beam with a pulley at the top of the house, and a rope leading to the ground. I tied an empty barrel on one end of the rope, pulled it to the top of the house, and then fastened the other end of the rope to a tree. Going up to the top of the house, I filled the barrel with bricks.
"Then I went down and unfastened the rope to let the barrel down. But, unfortunately, the barrel of bricks was now heavier than I, and before I knew what was happening the barrel jerked me up in the air.
"I hung on to the rope, and halfway up I met the barrel coming down, receiving a severe blow on the left shoulder.
"I then continued to be pulled to the top, banging my head on the beam and then jamming my fingeres into the pulley.
"When the barrel hit the ground, the bottom burst, spilling the bricks. As I was now heavier than the barel, I started down at high speed.
"Halfway down I met the empty barrel as it was coming up, receiving several cuts from the sharp edges of the barrel boards.
"At this point I must have become confused, because I let go of the rope. The barrel came down, striking me on the head, and I woke up in the hospital.
"I respectfully request a day of sick leave."
The Politically Incorrect Collection