Management does, however, realize the importance of each person being able to properly express their feelings while communicating with their fellow employees. Therefore, the following list has been compiled for your convenience. It is imperative that all employees understand and memorize these new phrases, so that the proper ideas, feelings, and information can continue to be exchanged without being offensive.
| Old Phrase | New Phrase |
|---|---|
| No fuckin' way | I'm not certain that is feasible |
| You gotta' be shittin' me | Really? |
| Tell someone who gives a fuck | Perhaps you should check with... |
| Ask me if I give a fuck | Of course I'm concerned |
| Whatta ya, fuckin' nuts? | I don't think this is what they envisioned |
| It's not my fuckin' problem | I wasn't involved in that project |
| What the fuck? | Interesting behaviour |
| Fuck it!! It won't work | I'm not sure I can implement this |
| Why the fuck didn't they tell me sooner? | I'll try to schedule that |
| And when do they expect me to do this fuckin' shit? | Oh, that's OK, I'll stay late |
| Who fuckin' cares? | Are you sure it's a problem? |
| He can't grab his ass with both hands | I think he's unclear on the concept |
| He's got his head up his ass | He's not familiar with the problem |
| Kiss my ass! | Sure, I'd love to help you out |
| Fuck you | I really don't think this is going to work |
| What the fuck do they want from me? | They were not happy with the results |
| This fuckin' job sucks | I love a challenge |
| Who the fuck died and left you boss? | You want me to take care of this? |
| Blow me | I see |
| Eat shit | You don't say |
| Eat shit and die | Excuse me |
| Eat shit and die, motherfucker | Excuse me, sir |
This is effective immediately, in order to create a better workplace.
The Politically Incorrect Collection