Memo to all employees

It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between employees. Due to complaints from offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated.

Management does, however, realize the importance of each person being able to properly express their feelings while communicating with their fellow employees. Therefore, the following list has been compiled for your convenience. It is imperative that all employees understand and memorize these new phrases, so that the proper ideas, feelings, and information can continue to be exchanged without being offensive.

Old Phrase New Phrase
No fuckin' way I'm not certain that is feasible
You gotta' be shittin' me Really?
Tell someone who gives a fuck Perhaps you should check with...
Ask me if I give a fuck Of course I'm concerned
Whatta ya, fuckin' nuts? I don't think this is what they envisioned
It's not my fuckin' problem I wasn't involved in that project
What the fuck? Interesting behaviour
Fuck it!! It won't work I'm not sure I can implement this
Why the fuck didn't they tell me sooner? I'll try to schedule that
And when do they expect me to do this fuckin' shit? Oh, that's OK, I'll stay late
Who fuckin' cares? Are you sure it's a problem?
He can't grab his ass with both hands I think he's unclear on the concept
He's got his head up his ass He's not familiar with the problem
Kiss my ass! Sure, I'd love to help you out
Fuck you I really don't think this is going to work
What the fuck do they want from me? They were not happy with the results
This fuckin' job sucks I love a challenge
Who the fuck died and left you boss? You want me to take care of this?
Blow me I see
Eat shit You don't say
Eat shit and die Excuse me
Eat shit and die, motherfucker Excuse me, sir

This is effective immediately, in order to create a better workplace.

(yuk) The Politically Incorrect Collection